When I'm gone

Not when I'm gone, but when you leave me am I leaving you too? What does it mean to be away from someone, when normally if someone goes away you don't really miss them. How should I feel when a friend goes away for a long time, even if I see them almost everyday. I don't feel the same when I am away from her. I feel the worst pain in my heart when I can't see her, can't talk to her.

This is especially bad when she goes to check things, but she doesn't check my messages. My messages of apologies, of how I feel, of my caring feelings, of me... What do I do? The one I love doesn't want to hear from me, she doesn't show her true feelings.

I know she is burning inside, I know her heart is broken now. She doesn't show it, she acts happy. It's easy to act online, when no one can see your face, hear your voice, feel you tremble when you lie about being happy.

I am too much of a fool, anyone can lie to me and I would believe them. I am too gullible, did I really believe she was happy to let me go? That I let her go? She wasn't, who would be so willing to let go of the one they love in so little time. So much time we had together, all of it sweet and loving. It's impossible for her to forget, to just throw away that feeling. You can't throw away those feelings of love just like that, they stick to you like a deep scar on your body. It will always be there, you will always be reminded of something from looking at it.

I know now I should never have felt like she was not giving me enough time alone, because now she is giving me all the time alone. I shouldn't have thought, maybe its ok she is gonna be gone. Because now its the worst thing that she is not here. My heart, my body, my tears fall down everyday for her.

Did I truly make you happy? Was I really the only one who made you happy in your life? Was I the only one to show you love? You were the only one who made me cry tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of sorrow, tears of love. The only person in this world, who would show an insignificant little boy like me true love. The only one, who gave me all the attention, all of your heart, all of your love, all of you. You were the other half of me, are you still that other half? I feel like half of me is gone.

I remember all the times I made you sad, ALL OF THEM. I think about them, I think about how I should have never done those things. I should have put you first, nothing matters more than you to me, because you are me. Will you ever see this? Will we ever see... this love again..