LOVE

I love my girlfriend so much, my head asplodes. WEEEeeEEeee.

She got me Far Side Gallery, it is super.

I hug her yay.

Times

I feel so good now, since life has taken a new burst of growth.

Yet at times I still think, and become a bit depressed in the smallest, but somehow most painful way possible. I dunno what I can do, but let time take its course and see what happens.

I love her, I am so thankful she loves me too. Beli, I love you, happiness comes from you =)

Movin On

Words for someone special =)

[00:50] faethwur: The water dripping from my faucet
[00:50] faethwur: Every sound of water I hear
[00:50] faethwur: is time that goes by without you near me
[00:50] faethwur: and my heart calls out for you
[00:50] faethwur: like the flowers blossoming for the sun

Pieces

The little glimpse I get of your smile
Whether it has been near or far
Real or fake
In person or through a picture
It has always given me a sense of happiness inside
Although you may never care for me ever again
One thing you've left with me that I'll always be thankful for
Are the thoughts of those happy moments I spent with you
No matter what
These memories
As hard as I may try
Will never disappear
Ever glimpse
Every mention
Every thought of you
My heart skips a beat no matter what

Stff

The sun still shines
The rain still falls
Everything here still flows as it always has
But that little rock that moved out of the way of the rushing water
Let everything flow past in beautiful motion
The drowning marsh filled with life
Is tragically overflown
But soon the seeds of the new season bloom
The feeling returns and grows again
And the sun shining, rain falling, wind blowing, and love flowing will bring everything back together

clouds in the sky

the suns light shines brightly
beaming hope and a joy into our hearts
like the clouds in the sky you pretend
the sun is still there, your feelings still there too
but the clouds turn the sky grey
with sorrow, loneliness, heartache
rain drops fall like tears from the heavens
splashing down on these little puddles
beauty hides behind everything
a ray of sunshine pokes through
another joy filled day is only on the horizon
rain drops bring life to everything
the cool breeze blows by and reminds us
that a warm day is to be treasured when there
a day too hot
reminds us that the cold is not bad
and that everything is there for a reason

The words from me.

Tears fall like cherry blossoms
floating down gracefully
in sorrow of their leaving this world
On the floor they gather and soon disappear
only there for a few moments
showing us their beauty
grazing our skin with their light touch
delighting our senses with their sweet scent
filling our hearts with joy with their presence
they leave us sad in their leaving
awaiting their return another year goes by
happiness and love will always come back
to those willing to wait
willing to cherish it when it is there

Songz

I listen to these songs, and they make me have feelings that I would otherwise not have. Maybe they make things easier, they soothe my heart in a way nothing else can. The beat just goes on and on, a song repeating over and over to make me feel a temporary feeling of happiness. I just know that someday I'll look back to these songs again, to find my little corner of happiness.

Happiness comes and goes, be happy when it is there, otherwise it's not happiness. Don't be sad when sadness comes, because then it wouldn't be sadness. Think about everyone, not just someone, when you have a feeling. Everyone cares about you, everyone loves you.

Time still goes by slowly, but slowly it gets faster and faster and the days just go by. These songs sing to me everyday, and help me get by as slow or as fast as I want them to. Soon that day will come, soon another day will come, and soon my life will start anew.

When I'm gone

Not when I'm gone, but when you leave me am I leaving you too? What does it mean to be away from someone, when normally if someone goes away you don't really miss them. How should I feel when a friend goes away for a long time, even if I see them almost everyday. I don't feel the same when I am away from her. I feel the worst pain in my heart when I can't see her, can't talk to her.

This is especially bad when she goes to check things, but she doesn't check my messages. My messages of apologies, of how I feel, of my caring feelings, of me... What do I do? The one I love doesn't want to hear from me, she doesn't show her true feelings.

I know she is burning inside, I know her heart is broken now. She doesn't show it, she acts happy. It's easy to act online, when no one can see your face, hear your voice, feel you tremble when you lie about being happy.

I am too much of a fool, anyone can lie to me and I would believe them. I am too gullible, did I really believe she was happy to let me go? That I let her go? She wasn't, who would be so willing to let go of the one they love in so little time. So much time we had together, all of it sweet and loving. It's impossible for her to forget, to just throw away that feeling. You can't throw away those feelings of love just like that, they stick to you like a deep scar on your body. It will always be there, you will always be reminded of something from looking at it.

I know now I should never have felt like she was not giving me enough time alone, because now she is giving me all the time alone. I shouldn't have thought, maybe its ok she is gonna be gone. Because now its the worst thing that she is not here. My heart, my body, my tears fall down everyday for her.

Did I truly make you happy? Was I really the only one who made you happy in your life? Was I the only one to show you love? You were the only one who made me cry tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of sorrow, tears of love. The only person in this world, who would show an insignificant little boy like me true love. The only one, who gave me all the attention, all of your heart, all of your love, all of you. You were the other half of me, are you still that other half? I feel like half of me is gone.

I remember all the times I made you sad, ALL OF THEM. I think about them, I think about how I should have never done those things. I should have put you first, nothing matters more than you to me, because you are me. Will you ever see this? Will we ever see... this love again..

Equations

We begin this paper by asking the reader to consider the following equation:

From this equation we know that the strain of an object equals the change in length over the original length. Therefore if we can measure the differences we can always calculate these values. Before we move one we present another equation you must know.

Now clearly this equation does not make any sense whatsoever due to the fact that I am using it as a demonstration of the power of Math 5.0 program in creating equations. What I am not showing is my general knowledge of a good equation that would benefit from using Math 5.0 as opposed to the generic word file. Why can I not do this? Mainly because my mind is bleeding and my heart is on fire waiting for someone to talk to me since I am lonely out of my mind. I have all my friends but yet the memories of days past for those two months surpass everything else. WHAT???

Today I just spent the whole day basically doing nothing, now I just installed Microsoft Word so I can do my paper. What a paper to do, when all I can think about is her, and how much I wish I would rather be in a cave with her, than in the clouds without her. I have dreams, everyday. The dreams are not true, bet they just tease me of what I could have. But then every once in awhile I realize, dreams are just dreams. But from what I have gone through, it seems dreams do come true, and they make your life so much better. Dream on everyone, the hope is what keeps you going.

I finish with another equation:

Time

It's been 9 days, and a few days since actually getting to talk. Now everything seems so bleak and harder to deal with sort of. Just knowing I could talk and actually talking were comforting to me, but now that it is not there I know how much I need it. I guess it is always true you never know the value of something till you lose it, I always thought about it but never thought it would feel like this.

Such a busy week, I just realized I do have a lot of classes to deal with and because of this a lot of homework and projects to deal with. I didn't realize that I would have a senior project as well as a engineering design project with Intel that would span two quarters. I somehow feel like this quarter is going to be the most challenging. Having to deal with loss and other things doesn't make things any easier, especially when it is on my mind almost 24/7.

Sorry I haven't been updating either, my computer broke down just two days ago but that is no excuse for the other days. The other days I have been out trying to keep my mind from being depressed. I feel very lost now, in terms of life and just school, events, people and such... I need a day where I don't do anything at all, I really haven't had one of those in awhile.

Loss

Today is the first day, that begins the days ahead I will have to endure without her. I can't believe I let her go, even though I can do nothing about it, I feel as if I should have just stolen her. Sometimes these things happen and test you for how much you truly love the other person, perhaps that is what I am going through.

Still, even though I know she is coming back and this is just another part of life, it doesn't make anything easier. I have never felt this much emotion in my life, never screamed so loud at nothing only to have tears come out. Yelling at someone else in kendo, or just in life is usually done and I feel anger and strong. But today, having her leave made every attempt at feeling strong so hard. But it does having tears mean I am weak? I feel like, this love, our love is so strong. It is strong enough to bind us together even if we are in different continents, nothing can tear us apart.

I know only one person reads this, and thank you so much for being there whenever. Sorry if in the future days you'll probably see a very sad looking Jason, but one with that date in mind. March 21, 2008. Tonight is the 2 month as well =.)

First Week

I have landed, and the scouting mission is complete and now I embark upon the mission to colonize and conquer this planet known as school. So far the mission has gone smoothly, I have analyzed data from every species I have encountered, also known as class.

The mission is going smoothly because I am with my partner in the mission, and she is helping and supporting me every step of the way =).

To the reader, thank you for being there for me, and I hope you are not annoyed with people anymore hehe. GOOD LUCK!!